Misty River ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Roslin and Adama *closes her eyes* It's interesting to think that the gods could have been simple humans who just passed into legend, buried out somewhere in the galaxy, unknowing of their impact or knowing and humble about it. Some, perhaps not so humble and more arrogant, but all dead and laying on another world. Maybe this is why religions today refer to god as being in the heavens, maybe they misinterpreted long long ago when god stepped onto a space ship of sorts and ascended into the night sky. Does that mean there is hope somewhere out there for salvation? Does anyone on this planet have the ability to be a god or goddess? It is easy to wield power over others but to influence humanity as a whole in a positive way and remain pure and humble you would have to be a special individual. I live too much in my mind, glimpsing greatness, grasping for it, wanting to heal eternal wounds and find myself unable to do that for even those I am closest to, those who have given me the best lessons in life... the best experiences.. the most joy on various occasions. You have no idea how many nights I logged on to that blasted game to escape the darkness that I suffered myself through just to hear a joke.. or to touch humanity. Then I realized that having any sort of impact that is lasting is impossible I can tell myself a thousand times a day I am worthless.. or a thousand times I am a goddess.. and I do.. but where does it get me? No where in the manifestations of reality.. just another leap forward or back in the darkest reaches of my mind.. where sunshine breaks through the trees eternally shedding color over the world.. or darkness blankets all except for the small twinkling of stars in the firmaments to signal some form of hope I don't know who I am anymore.. what I am.. what I really want. I love everything and hate everything at the same time. Realistically it is not possible to survive in such a state. My initial thoughts were of separation, yearning leading to regretful actions and attempts to make amends. The thought that one's failure causes them to shrink and remove themselves from the other. A feeling of loss and then at the end a bittersweet reunion of sorts. A burst of joy... But the knowledge lingers there somewhere that it is not a forever thing and that feeling you get when you break free from something that is hindering you.. a release.. to move beyond that one thing that is trapping you.
I make a statement of observations, arrived at by intuition and deduction, and I am in essence told I am delusional. Then something as simple as a two and a half minute song pops up and I happen to interpret the nuances of it correctly. It makes me wonder if everything I sensed and felt over the past few years was really accurate and the people I shared my readings with just wanted to hide deeper and lied to me or themselves to try and avoid any truth I may have stated Am I the only person in the world who doesn't hide? Why would you deny a person you love? Why would you take an honest impression they have of you and spit on it? What does that foster? 12:40 a.m. - 2006-09-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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